Thursday, June 28, 2007
I take all the blame...I assume too much. Dats another of my weakness...but after clarifying things wif her & assuring her dat I stil wan 2 be wif her, we're back 2gether. And frm nw on, I'll treasure her more...I'll try 2 be there 4 her more often, listen more & pay more attention 2 her. I'll do my best 2 make her happy...I'll cherish her more!!!
Monday, June 18, 2007
I f%$ked up on Fri nite...i made a HUGE mistake!!! I was supposed 2 meet Dearest & accompany her 2 IMM 2 get some stuffs...i tot it wud be some time spent well 2gether after awhile of nt meeting up. In the afternoon, received a call frm Dearest & she said dat she had 2 send her mum 2 hospital...frm her voice, i sensed dat she was hoping dat i cud come along & accompany them. I told her dat i cant go back late & if i were 2 go...it wud be awkward 2 leave early. I knw dat her mum hav been wanting 2 meet me 4 quite some time nw...well, i tot maybe i cud meet her on Sat.
But later on @ nite...we had an arguement & things kinda got heated. She msged dat maybe it wud be best dat we went back 2 our previous lives b4 meeting each other, taking care of our families, fulfilling our duties as children...i was devastated. I replied back suggesting dat maybe we cud take a year 2 take care of our families & meet back den...apparently my words made her believe dat i wan 2 leave her & i admit, i broke her heart. Bt as i typed dat msg abt meeting a year later...my tears rolled down. I didn't wan 2 let her go but i tot dat tis was the best solution as we cud get financially stable & make our families happy b4 making ourselves happy wif each other. I oso tot dat i wud spare her frm heartaches tis way..in fact, i gave the biggest heartache dat nite.
Nw, i wan to be wif her...i wan 2 make things right again. Tho i knw it might take some time & it wil...i'll be patiently waiting 4 her 2 forgive me. I'm sori Sayang...tho i knw its nt enuf. =(
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Inexperience...in life, work & love. Guess giving into my family has caused me to have tis inexperience in tis areas of life...i didn't get 2 work after my O levels. I stayed home for 6 mths & looked after my nephew & niece back den...goin 2 the market 2 run errands & stuffs. Nw working life is abit tedious 4 me...trying 2 cope wif the work...trying 2 meet the expections of my superiors. I juz do my best in everything i do...juz hope it gets recognised.
Life...has its own experience 2 share wif different people. Some r good, some r bad...some r dull while some r interesting. Mine...can b categorised in the dull side. Nvr get 2 hang out much wif my frens...always went out wif my family. Nvr getting 2 do stuffs which my fren tried...not dat i wan 2 try drugs or sex. I juz wan 2 experience life...apparently, its 2 late 4 dat nw.
Love...only experience i hav of love is bein rejected twice. My heart fell...& broke, twice. Tho i admit, its kinda 1 sided love...stil its love rite? But nw i've experienced real, the feeling-is-mutual love...its wonderful. Its everything i imagined it wud be like...holding hands, whispering words of love into each other's ears, sharing laughter & jokes. Bt wat i didn't anticipated wud be the heartache dat comes along...guess the notion of happily ever after got stuck in my head & i didn't see the heartaches. Both sides feel it...1 side may feel it more den the other or maybe both. Heartache...along wif it comes tears. Flashbacks of gd times come along wif it 2...& ur heart aches even more. More tears roll down...it's a vicious cycle.
Is it true if u love some1, u've got 2 let her go..? But wat if u don wan 2 let her go..? Wat happens den..? Wud the love grow stronger..? Wud there be more heartaches..? Wat if the family disapproves..? Wat shud i do..? I wan 2 give her happiness..but it seems all i'm giving her is misery. Like i've told her...i don wan 2 be like the rest. She's been hurt by them & i don wan dat 2 happen again...but it seems dat wil happen anyway. Staying on gives her misery...letting go gives her misery, wat shud i do..? Wat shud i do..? Wat shud i do..?
Mum's been kinda lenient lately...letting me coming back home late & not yelling @ me like she used 2 do. Guess my prayers hav been answered abit...but i guess its stil not enuf. But i'm grateful 2 Him 4 granting my prayers abit...hopefuli the rest wil follow soon. But nw, i'll like 2 say a prayer 2 clear my mind & soothe my heart...so i can find some answers. Amin, Ya Allah
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
The Sunday spent wif Dearest was so good dat i dreaded Monday...wished i didn't hav 2 go 2 work!!! Wished everyday was Sunday & i get 2 spent time wif my love always...well, since its the sch hols there's nothing much 2 do except occasional cases dat pop up frm time 2 time. As usual, i msg-ed Dearest on my way 2 work...got her reply saying dat she's @ hospital accompanying her abah 4 his op, which i suddenly remembered her telling me about. Den she joked abt me coming visit her abah @ hospital & i said maybe i come down & see him & her mum after work...guess its time 2 meet them & seek their blessings 4 me 2 date their daughter. I'm my usual self abt tis...telling myself dat i shud do it but wen the time i'm about 2 meet them, i'm sure 2 be kanchong like hell!!! Hahaha...same thing happens 4 all major stuffs like presentations, interviews etc. B4 the event, i'm all calm & collected...but as the time nears 2 the event, my heart starts beating fast & my palms all sweaty!!! Classic scenario of nervousness...haha!!
Anyways, hopefuli i cn give Dearest's parents a gd impression...tis's my 1st time meeting the parents so hopefuli, i don make a fool out of myself. Hmm..wonder wat i shud chat abt wif them..?? I expected the usual questions abt family...how many bros & sistas i hav. Where do i live...wat r my parents' names...shud i expect religious questions 2 be asked 2..?? I declare dat my religious knowledge is @ its bare minimum...dats another reason i fear meeting the parents. I feel dat i hav 2 polish up my religious knowledge 1st & be financially stable b4 i cn go & meet the parents...but in tis case, tis is juz a meeting 2 introduce myself. Hopefuli, nothing goes wrong...
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to(countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
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